How to Achieve Detachment
February 25th, 2012 § 1 Comment
First of all, I’d like to stress out that detachment is not a negative thing. Some people claim that attachment is needed for human survival and affection. “No man is an island”, as they say. But there is a difference in this. Yes, we cannot live alone and being in the company of others is a good thing. However thinking that you cannot live without the other is just not healthy.
We are all ‘whole’ individuals who are capable of living in a world; we are being provided with everything we need at the moment. We are born to this earth to be self-sufficient. Yes, in our earlier years when we are babies, we are taken care of by our parents, which is how God intended it to be. Going back to what I said earlier: “We are provided with everything that we need at the moment.”
Attachment on the other hand is resisting and rejecting the laws of the Universe. Attachment is telling yourself you cannot live without this certain person or a thing, which is why you want to possess it. You believe that because life is short, you want to have it all and own it all.
When you feel good at this moment and you want to attach yourself to it, you are resisting the laws of the Universe for bringing you more joyful moments. When you try to possess your partner, you are not allowing the other person to find their own happiness. When you are attached to the past, or to the future, you are not allowing yourself to live in the NOW, thus you violate the laws of the Universe.
There is such relief in letting yourself be free from your attachments, because you abide with the law of the Universe, and thus it blesses you with more than you could ever imagine, with such ease.
Steps in Becoming Detached:
1. Detachment from Experiences
You can do this by first accepting the moment as it is. Trust and believe that what is happening right NOW is enough. Redirect your thoughts when you notice that they veer toward attachment. Believe that change is what makes us evolve and grow as individuals and withstanding change will set you free. Enjoy your NOW fully and aim for the quality of the moment instead of quantity – this will free you from attaching yourself to the experience.
2. Detachment from People
Don’t let others have the authority of revealing your worthiness. Believe that you ARE worthy whether others tell you or not. Be a friend to yourself. Explore your own interests and do it alone sometimes. Don’t be someone who always needs others to push you. You have your own feet and hands.
Try to hold others lightly and not cling to them. Appreciate their presence but release your attachments to them. This can be applied even to romantic relationships. Understand that YOU ARE NOT SOMEONE’S OTHER HALF. Relationships take two whole persons. Believe that you won’t be miserable without the other person.
3. Detachment from the Past
Understand that the past has already happened and there is no way you can change it. Holding onto the past is based on fear. Try holding onto to LOVE instead, and focus on the things that you love right NOW. Create happiness with that.
Make your PRESENT MOMENT count so that you will break free from your fear and attachment to the past. When you talk about your past, try not to recall how bad it was. Make peace with whatever happened and see to it that those circumstances happened so this You, RIGHT NOW will emerge.
4. Detachment from Outcomes
Practice letting things be as they are and make peace with your NOW. You cannot find happiness in the future – it only happens in the present moment, and that is all you ever have: NOW. Try not to think that you NEED to know what your future will be like – because truly, nobody knows. The only thing you can do however is to believe that your future is hinged on how well you live TODAY.
5. Detachment from Emotions
If you are experiencing pain, understand that it is unavoidable. No matter how well we do in life, there will always be pain. But as the saying goes: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Acknowledge your emotions and express them – this is how you can transcend them after.
Another helpful thing to do when you are in pain is try to recall all the happy moments you had and appreciate them. Gratitude is the best exercise. Develop an Attitude of Gratitude and you will transform your life.
Detachment may be difficult, because we accepted the difficulty of attachments as a part of our lives. Even though we understand that it is already making our lives miserable, we still tend to hold on to our attachments because it’s what keeps all the drama alive. Yet, this is not healthy – neither to us, nor to others. Developing detachment is important so we can live in harmony with the people around us, and most importantly with ourselves.
My friend shared your website on her Facebook page, and I just love the idea of dedicating a website to detachment
I’m a big fan of the concept detachment — it’s a quality that I’ve found my biggest challenge to practise over the years, but one that I’ve become friends with.
Detachment is one of my favourite things I blog about. There’s not a whole lot of people out there talking about detachment, so I’m glad I have company!
Here’s a blog about detachment as a balancing virtue for determination, diligence and discernment. http://activate28.com/where-it-all-began-the-4ds-to-achieving-your-goals
I look forward to reading more of your musings of detachment in the future. Time for me to check out your Facebook page …